Love?

I am in love. In love with life, in love with my family, in love with my friends, in love with fashion, and in love with traveling. But, I am not in love with someone. Relationships are a topic I have tried to steer clear from, and I rarely ever post anything romantic on any of my social media platforms. Primarily because I would like to keep that aspect of my life private, until I know I have found The One. Yet it has become increasingly hard for me to even want to keep looking for The One. Maybe it is because of the society we live in now where monogamy is hard to find, or maybe I am not looking in the right place. It is probably a combination of the two... or... I am just THAT picky with who I want.

With Valentine's Day coming up and other things in my life fast approaching, I have begun to think more about love. Actually, the topic has been brought up many times in the recent months and it has definitely peaked my interest and the desire to talk about it. If you know me, then you know that I am a very happy and loving human being - I always see the best in people and want the best for them. So for me, loving someone comes as second nature. I recently spoke with one of my friends who said that the person they are in a relationship with has not said "I love you" because of past experiences. That confused me, because I honestly do not know what it is to not love someone that is close to you - or even in a relationship with! I understand that love is different with every person, and that might be where I fail when looking for my perfect match... I expect to find the same level of love I am willing to give.

Another occasion happened when I told one of my friends, in a playful tone, that I loved them, to which they answered with "love? That is a strong word". My friend might have been joking, but I could feel that maybe they were not and that confused me again. Do people not want to be loved? Do people not want to hear that they are loved? Maybe. To each their own. I like expressing my feelings, especially if they are good ones towards my friends and family.

I remember every single crush I have had on someone. Every. Single. One. I remember expressing that affection during birthdays and holidays back in school in Guatemala with little cards and gifts, but I was turned down every time. Being the little immature child that I was, I remember being devastated every time... but it all changed when I moved to NYC and was no longer being turned down by people I liked. Nevertheless, I did get my heart broken a few more times. Three times to be exact. The last one was perhaps the most painful one since it was with someone I had been in a relationship with for almost 2.5 years. (Surprised? Yes, I was in a relationship and like I said, I like keeping my love life private.) Since then, I have been cautious with who I give my heart to and that is where dating apps come into play.

Oh dating apps... I have a love/hate relationship with them. I have gone on disaster dates and I have gone on some pretty fantastic ones. Whenever I think I went on a really good one, it will be great for a week or so... but then all interest is lost and it is usually from the other person. I could create a whole new friend group with the amount of people that have told me "we can be friends". I don't blame them, if I am not what they are looking for, then why lead each other on? I go through phases where I will only go on dates through apps or I will delete all of the apps for months and see if I can do it the old-fashioned way. Both ways have worked to be honest, I have met some pretty great people but I have made stronger connections with the ones I have met without the use of apps.

I grew up surrounded by love. My family gave me enormous amounts of love, and I also would be wrapped up in all the books I read and movies I watched that had some type of romance in them. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I do believe in soul mates and true love.

I had a goal in my love life, one that I would still like to achieve but by now I have learned that everything happens for a reason and to just be patient. I am not giving up on romantic love. I will continue to express my love for my friends and family - they all deserve it! And I know that someday I will find The One. And when I do, I might post about it or I might not... I might just post about it when I finally get married... or have my first kid... or not at all. It is my love life, and as long as I am happy there is nothing in the world that can bring me down.